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A fable about Body Math

There was a mature man who kept himself fit as a bachac ant, and yet was erudite, sensitive, and reputedly, could charm the thrum out of heartstrings. A bit above average height, and weighing in at 170 lbs of svelte muscularity, he had not changed clothing size since in his twenties.

Upon hearing of him, in a heat for a promising story, trendy news outfits pursued the fellow with microphones that fawned and slavered.

Nevertheless, when questioned about his excellent system, he was reluctant to explicate for the zealous newshounds. So they threatened negative media coverage featuring 'Dirt'.

Only then did he come clean and his theorem revealed: namely, that the essential relationship of Diet (D) to Attractive Body Mass (ABM) is a factor (f) of the "oo's" being expressed. Not for the Impressive Food Intake (IFI), but for the volume (v) and regularity (r) of the Stools (S) we output.

Or, [D x ABM = (f) v.r.S (where IFI is ignored)].

His earlier stubbornness was explained by an over-sensitivity about decorum.

Moral: There is no accounting for outhouse conceit.